How to Support a Loved One through a Miscarriage

By Medically reviewed by Dr. Duyen Le

Being pregnant equals a lot of hopes and wishes for women, and losing their child even before seeing his or her face is nearly the most painful moment of their life. This pain is so tremendous that sometimes it wrecks women both mentally and physically, leading to long-lasting consequences. Friends and family, those who are closest to the women with loss, should learn how to be supportive in the right way to help them recover from the pain.

What you should do

The automatic reaction that most people have when dealing with a woman who has just had a miscarriage is to avoid talking about it. However, this can kill her slowly because it can lead her to great depression and anxiety, thinking that nobody cares about her loss. Here’s what you should do instead:

Be a good talker and listener
Prepare to go through the distress with her. She may be angry, desperate or devastated, but at least you are there with her. Let her express it all out, either physically or verbally. However, do not just sit there and watch her in silence. Encourage communication with her and make sure you listen to her. If you want to talk, prepare your speech carefully. You will not want a slip-up of your tongue to hurt the grieving parent even more. Sometimes, you also have to understand that the grieving mother needs some space and time alone. So you have to respect that fact in order not to intrude her personal space.

Beware of the alarming signs
A woman who has just had a miscarriage can have a poor appetite, disturbed sleep patterns, low energy, and other kinds of pains. On the emotional side, she can have constant fear, anxiety or nightmares. If this goes on for too long and is too severe, make sure to inform the doctors about this.

Be a reassuring person
Tell the grieving parent it is normal that she is feeling and reacting this way. Do not chastise her for the extremeness of her actions as the woman has gone through greater pain than you can imagine.

Be a comforting person
Play her soothing music, the kind that can help her relax. Or, put her in the bath and give her a comforting massage. Every small gesture is worth it.

What you should not do

Avoid careless questions
Do not ask such questions as “How are you?” or “How you doin’?” Of course, she is not okay – she has just lost her baby! Asking these can only worsen her sadness and she may even refuse to talk to you.

Do not belittle her loss
Do not encourage her the wrong way by saying “This is just a miscarriage and you will get over it soon.” That baby she has lost carried all of her hopes and dreams, so do not disregard her loss.

Do not rush the healing process
Remember that healing from a miscarriage takes a lot of time. Do not rush the process or you’ll put even more pressure on her.


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Hello Health Group does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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